True Freedom of Mind, Soul, and Spirit
A friend recently told me about blogspot.com; and I'm glad he did. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that every voice deserves to be heard. Discussion boards are good, blogs even better, imho.
Late in 2007, I finally began my journey of healing, my journey of true freedom of mind, soul, and spirit. Until then, for nearly 33 1/2 years, I had been involved in abusive groups and co-dependent relationships ( "cults of two" ), and I didn't really have freedom of expression in those groups and relationships. By G-d's grace, I was spared the worst abuse possible; and my faith has remained intact and quite resilient. I believe that there is a reason for every thing. I went through all that "stuff" not just because abusive people saw me as very vulnerable and took advantage of me for a while. I went through all of that so that I could help other people who are going through that and also those who are struggling in their recovery process. Though it is likely to be several years until I completely heal from all that I've been through, I can still help others who are going through similar situations just by posting my testimony and insights. That is one very good reason for blogs such as this one. Hopefully, by doing this, I can also help others to avoid going through what I've been through.
Late in 2007, I finally began my journey of healing, my journey of true freedom of mind, soul, and spirit. Until then, for nearly 33 1/2 years, I had been involved in abusive groups and co-dependent relationships ( "cults of two" ), and I didn't really have freedom of expression in those groups and relationships. By G-d's grace, I was spared the worst abuse possible; and my faith has remained intact and quite resilient. I believe that there is a reason for every thing. I went through all that "stuff" not just because abusive people saw me as very vulnerable and took advantage of me for a while. I went through all of that so that I could help other people who are going through that and also those who are struggling in their recovery process. Though it is likely to be several years until I completely heal from all that I've been through, I can still help others who are going through similar situations just by posting my testimony and insights. That is one very good reason for blogs such as this one. Hopefully, by doing this, I can also help others to avoid going through what I've been through.
Labels: healing, psychology, true freedom
posted by TruthInLove | 6:35 PM
3 Comments:
I appreciate your intention to help other victims of abusive groups and individuals. I also think that it is good when we, those who have this experience, share our insights and experiences with one another for mutual support.
Unlike you, I had probably the worst experience in the group where I was involved. I joined it being a Christian, consecrated to God, but left it being a complete atheist. I am still in the process of spiritual and psychological recovery. However, I also have a desire to help others who are in the same process.
Good luck with your blog! I believe it will be helpful for the people who are recovering from spiritual and psychological abuse.
Lema Nal
Hi, Lema Nal.
I appreciate your comment here. My response is actually mostly taken from an email I sent to CT from the first FOM board. I don't know if I sound like I am being too "heavy-handed" in my response to C T. And I hope you can glean something from that response. Personally, I believe that, because you were consecrated to G-d before you joined LC, you are still born-again. Now, of course, you have a different perspective because of your cultic involvement; but it is obvious that you have not hardened your heart to G-d and that you are still seeking spiritual and psychological truth during this time of healing. It's normal to doubt G-d's existence after being involved in a cult. It's also normal to doubt Yeshua's Messiahship after cultic involvement; and, for some people, it's normal to assume messiahship for self (I did that for 7 years as a result of being abused by an Independent Fundamental Baptist Church). Anyway, I hope this helps.
I answered someone else's questions and concerns about the post-cult recovery process. From what you say above, it sounds like you may also benefit from the response. I personally don't believe that you lost your salvation during your cult involvement because it is evident that you are still seeking G-d's Truth. Other ex-cult members have joined cults as born-again believers in Yeshua, become disillusioned with the cults and with G-d, left the cults as atheists, and gradually returned to faith in Yeshua as their Messiah.
First, I think I should mention that, near the end of this email, I answered all of CT's posted concerns to the best of my ability. Before all that, though, here is my original post (which the moderator chose not to repost to the FOM board), followed by "recoveringfromacult"s post and then by your post:
I strongly agree with the response below. In my
experience in the freedom of mind discussion group, those of us involved in that discussion group are supposed to support each other in our recovery from involvement in abusive groups and relationships. Unfortunately, I have seen some people post some really insensitive messages.
They are probably just having a bad day when they do that, but just so you know, we in this group (according to my experience here) are supposed to be sensitive to one another and supportive of one another in our recovery, as well as discussing our experiences. I noticed that the moderator posted what I thought was a harsh response to your question about truth. I did respond to her post, but apparently she didn't care to post my response.
Since you asked for support/help from people who have been through what you've been through, and since the moderator didn't care to post my response on the board, here it is. She says I am assuming that the boaord is for something that it isn't for (support). In the response below, I attempted to address the concerns you listed in
your last post. The moderator says she thinks I am trying to proselytize. That is not my intent, and I hope you will not feel pressured in any way to join any group as a result of this response:
I was involved in cultic groups for nearly 33 1/2 years myself and have been counseled by a Christian therapist for nearly two years. I am also a Wellspring alumni and a Freedom of Mind Resource Center alumni. Both of these organizations helped me in my journey, though they are rather expensive. Mainly I have found time away from abusive groups and individuals to be helpful. Also, I have found meditation on Scripture to be helpful, though it was about three months after I left the last abusive group before I was able to really do this.
In addition to all that "recoveringfrom a cult" said, I say it might be helpful to just give yourself time to heal. Steve Hassan, who occasionally posts in the freedom of mind discussion group, told me that it takes about 7 years to fully recover from psychological and
spiritual abuse. I have found that it takes anywhere from 3 months to a year to begin to recover. Sometimes it takes longer. I have occasionally wanted to quit going to therapy because I disagreed with something my therapist said and thought she was speaking on behalf of the devil (though she is a Christian). But I stuck with it, and now I am beginning to see real healing take place. I have found it helpful to also know that God is the very best Therapist. That doesn't mean that a human therapist can't help. It just means (to me) that God will direct you to seek healing in the way that's best for you. I went through the feelings of confusion and frustration that you express on the board, even doubting God's existence, Yeshua's Messiahship, and my salvation for a while. That's perfectly normal after going through something so traumatic. I also know what it's like to feel like churches outside of the cult are not as close to God as the cult is. I actually did a lot of church-hopping trying to find a church that would provide the same kind of feelings and intensity as the cults did. Cults do tend to be very intensive and exclusivistic groups, and other groups initially seem to be spiritually and/or psychologically dead or comatose by comparison. So it will take a while to adjust to a church that isn't as intense.
Also, pay attention to any red flags that pop up letting you know that something might be wrong with a group that could be abusive. If you have a gut feeling that something just isn't right, listen to that feeling. Also, talk to family and close friends and other people you trust about any concerns you have regarding such a group. If you don't think you can trust anyone, test the group for a while. A healthy group will be not put up a false front to recruit people, and it also will not pressure people to join or remain in the group. Also, give yourself time to regain your identity, your security, your purpose, your sense of discernment, . . . The real you is still within you, at your core, and is helping you to heal. Give yourself a chance to grow and heal. This is what has helped me in my own recovery process so far.
As far as your salvation is concerned (one reason I think the moderator didn't want to post this publicly), if you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior at any time, He saved you. You belong to Him, and He has kept you saved even through (in spit of) all this. He is still holding you in the palm of His hand, leading you in this journey of healing and truth. In your post, you sound like you are genuinely still seeking the truth and like you haven't hardened your heart to His Spirit. That means you have no need to fear losing your salvation.
Like my Messianic rabbi told me recently:
'In regard to the passage you refer to [Hebrews 6:4-6], this is one of the most misunderstood passages in the B'rit Chadasha (New Covenant) because we come to this passage not from a Hebraic perspective but from a 16th century C.E. theological debate that has fueled much discussion. (Calvinism's "eternal security of
the believer" vs. Arminianism's "one can lose
their salvation") The author's purpose here is
not to deal with the "eternal security of the
believer" issue, but with the concern of the Messianic Jews that unless the Levitical sacrifices required by Torah are offered, their sins remained unforgiven. He is attempting to show them that Yeshua's atoning death and His elevation to the office of Cohen Gadol (High Priest) has brought about a transformation of Torah, altering the sacrificial system and cohenut (priesthood).
'The writer is talking about a person who was a true believer in Yeshua:
1. They had once been enlightened. They had
seen Yeshua as the Messiah and Lord.
2. They had tasted the heavenly gift.
Scripture speaks of Yeshua and His salvation being God's "gifts."
3. They had become sharers in Ruach Hakodesh [the Holy Spirit].
4. They had tasted the goodness of God's
Word.
5. They had tasted the powers of the world to come (`olam haba'). They had experienced some of the gifts of the Spirit.
'The warning is severe and frightening to anyone that will listen. Notice the word "impossible" in vs. 6 (Complete Jewish Bible version). We cannot twist the Scripture to make this mean anything else. If a believer has "fallen away," by not trusting any longer in Yeshua's own sacrificial death and high-priestly office, but in animal sacrifices and the system of the cohanim (priests) which the Torah set up to
administer them, Scripture says it is
"impossible" for him/her to ever make teshuva
[repentance] again. The people referred to here had ignored what Yeshua's death on "ha tzlav" (the tree of sacrifice) meant, as they continued to trust in animal sacrifices instead of His sacrifice. And so they "keep holding Him up to public contempt" by not glorifying Yeshua's death as an atoning death, but seeing it as having no special significance.
'Let's for the sake of discussion, take up the 16th century CE debate just for a moment here, although the author was most likely not commenting on the "eternal security of the believer.":
'What would ever cause a believer to reach such a stage in life? What could a believer do that would harden his/her heart so much that he/she would never again make "teshuvah?" Vs. 6 says that they continue on and on in their sin and disobedience and rebellion against the Messiah, Yeshua. The "continuous action" is critical to note. The believer turns back to the world, back to a life of sin, disobedience, and
rebellion and is just never going to repent. He/she has gone so far into sin that their heart has become so hardened that they will never make "teshuvah" – no matter how much the love and forgiveness of Yeshua is shared with them. Scripture says that he/she is beyond repentance. And tragically, they are harming Messiah and His mission. This cannot refer to what we call "backsliding." Why? Because Scripture is clear: a "backslider" can make "teshuva." A "backslider" is never beyond reach. I believe this passage is speaking of a person who backslides and begins to love his sin more and more. Can believers ever reach this point?
'So, [Renee], I am going to let the true context of this passage of Scripture speak for itself. That is the best way to approach these types of questions. The LORD will convince you of the answer through the study of His Word. I am not going to presume to answer for Him.'
CT, I hope this helps. Based on what you said in
your post and on the interpretation of Hebrews 6:4-6 above, I firmly believe that you are saved. Your fear, confusion, frustration, etc., at this point in your healing process are perfectly normal for what you've been through.
It's normal to think that someone who is telling you to focus on yourself is a tool of the devil. After being in an intensive group that says that any thought of self is sinful, it is normal to think and feel that focusing on your own healing is sinful. When my therapist told me that I needed to focus on myself and the way I deal with circumstances, I seriously considered abandoning therapy because I thought that I needed to focus on G-d and that my therapist was not concerned enough about spiritual issues. I have since found it very helpful to read the Bible every day and pray every day, even when it was a confusing and frustrating thing to do. Therapists (even those who are born-again Christians) are not going to focus on the spiritual part of recovery as much as on the psychological aspect of it. As "recoveringfromacult" said, it is better to have a Christian therapist than a non-Christian, since at least a Christian therapist is supposed to be understanding of a Christian's spiritual needs. But even a Christian therapist is likely to assume the presence of psychological
problems before spiritual ones. From my own experience, I have noticed that I used to think I was worthless and hopeless even though I have been saved for nearly 30 years. After that, I thought I was selfish for too long because so much attention was directed toward me in
therapy. But now I am becoming less selfish. It's like there is a pendulum swinging from extreme self-denial and self-abuse to extreme "selfishness" and back to the middle where there is a healthy balance. Another
thing that might help is the site below which
is a discussion group for people who are recovering from involvement in cults:
http://com4.runboard.com/bcultsandchristianity
You have to register with Runboard.com before you can post to the board, but anyone is free to post there; and posts are not moderated.
Sincerely,
Renee
In FOM, "recoveringfromacult" wrote:
"Hi CT,
"The group I was involved in taught me that psychology is satanic. After I left, I did not trust therapists. Later, I found out that some other abusive churches and Bible-based cults have the same teaching. Some ex-members of these groups told me that. They also did not trust therapists and feared them. It looks like some cult leaders intentionally teach their followers that psychology is satanic in order to frustrate them from getting the therapy they need. They indoctrinate a phobia of psychology and therapists in order to force their followers to stay in their cults instead of leaving them and living a good life outside of their cults. What they say is a deception. Psychology is not satanic. It is just a science.
"Your group also might have this teaching. It may be the reason you feel that your therapist is used by devil. If you find a therapist who is a Christian, he or she might be able to understand your spiritual experience better than a non-Christian therapist and you might be able to trust him/her more.
"Bible-based cults give people the feeling of the
higher purpose - that they are in God's special work on the earth and carry out God's will. They cause their members to devote themselves to God and "God's will" which actually means to devote themselves to the group. When you leave such a group, it is natural that you feel emptiness. You had a goal of your life, and now it is gone. I had the same experience too. Other churches seem to be worldly, unspiritual, and selfish because they do not preach the same higher goal.
"In the group where I was, we were told that most
Christians can find only God's blessings for people in the Bible and they are very immature spiritually. In that group, they "have a vision of God's plan" and live for carrying out this plan. They even say that God needs them to carry out His plan. This is false. God is God. He is almighty. He is able to do everything by Himself,
without people. This "God's plan" they preach
is just an illusion. However, the Bible does say about God's salvation and His blessings for people.
"Some Bible-based cults use intensive emotions and trance-inductive techniques, for example, some special ways of prayer or singing. Members feel excitement and they are told that this feeling is from God. This is a kind of mystical manipulation. In the group I was in, we were taught to pursue this "enjoyment" in order to grow spiritually. After I left, I lacked that
"enjoyment" and other ex-members of the same group also lacked it. Other churches do not have this "enjoyment" and it also causes dissatisfaction.
"However, the feeling of the higher purpose and
"enjoyment" just issue from mystical manipulation and not from God. They are used to cause members to believe that they are in "God's unique church" and that their leader has a special commission from God as an apostle or a prophet for this age. These things are also
another way to force members to stay in the cult or come back if they left.
"It is not so easy to understand what was true and what was orchestrated by the cult through many ways - hypnotic techniques too. It takes time and careful consideration of all your experiences to define what was true and what was not.
"I used two ways to find out was was real Christian experience and what was staged. I read the Bible and other Christian literature and carefully considered the circumstances of my experiences. Reading the Bible and communication with other Christians (who were not in abusive churches) can help you to compare your experiences with experiences of other Christians. Considerations about circumstances of
your experiences can help you to find what experiences were staged and in what way. However, it takes time. You might not be able to define the source of your experiences immediately. Do not give up and rely on your ability to discern. Only you can decide what were the sources of your experiences. Nobody had your experiences - though some people had similar experiences. Nobody knows exactly what you experienced. You have your mind and ability
to think.
"You do not need to deny your salvation. You do not need to feel that you are a sinner since you left an abusive church. It is quite possible that God led you out from your group.
"This is actually good to question everything. You do not need to believe everything people say to you. You should consider what is true and what is false. The faith from just believing everything you are told is cultivated by cults.
The faith that you have after considering all the pros and cons is more mature. It is normal to question and doubt, and not to believe everything."
From CT:
Hey Guy's/Gal's
I thank you for your time and that I am able to write here.
Is it possible that my experiences were some kind of group hypnotic suggestion?
Renee: Yes, it is possible that your
experiences were based on group hypnotic suggestion and mystic manipulation.
CT: We were all eager, not just willing subjects, to S's teachings. He used inductive stories that brought you into the parable and you felt as though you had experienced being there.
As more of his teachings come under scrutiny and analysis with my therapist (who is sometimes being used by the devil to further tempt me towards self) I have found myself unable to untangle the Truth from Fiction.
Renee: This is normal. I personally experienced something similar in therapy. It should eventually pass as you heal. You should be able to "untangle the Truth from Fiction" as you move forward in the healing process and recover your ability to discern.
CT: It is scary to realize my reality is screwed up.
Renee: My reality was really screwed up, too, for what seemed like forever. I even doubted some legitimate red flags for a while.
CT: Those of you that have been through this - HELP! - I am struggling with, no; I am unwilling to give up the security of the Blood of Christ.
Renee: Please see the part above about Hebrews 6:4-6. I firmly believe that you are still secure under the Blood of Christ. He has been with you through it all, and will continue to be with you on your journey of healing.
CT: I can't trust myself to decide what is real - I am unwilling to trust anyone.
Renee: This, too, is natural after going through such a traumatic experience.
CT: How DO I Decide what was deception from what was truth.
Renee: Please see my response above, as well as
"recoveringfromacult"s response.
CT: I already threw the baby out with the bathwater and it didn't work. I became a miserable sinner with no hope again.
Renee: There is hope. I know you feel miserable right now. That also is a normal part of the post-cult recovery period because you are facing the truth about all that the abusive group did to you, all that it took from you, all the broken promises, etc. But this, too, shall pass. You are not without hope.
CT: I started attending the hottest Pentecostal church in town which rekindled my love for Christ but the preaching is empty and the worship is selfish.
Renee: This is normal, too.
CT: At one time those around me believed that I was predestined to be one of the two end time prophets to the Church. I had a destiny.
Renee: You still have a destiny. I used to believe I was born to be a messiah (while I was searching for significance during my involvement in one abusive group). That delusion lasted for seven years, until I sought counsel from a Pentecostal minister who had previously counseled 3 other people (whom I never met) who had the same delusion I had. Since my visions involved marriage to a certain individual (the same individual that the other 3 saw in their visions), I knew then that my visions were not of G-d since He forbids adultery and since adultery would have been committed if all 4 of us were really hearing from G-d). You do have a destiny, and as you continue in your healing journey, you will be able to see that destiny more clearly. It may not be the same as the destiny you thought you had in the group, but it will be the destiny that you were meant to achieve. This is hard to face, but It's true.
CT: Now I am questioning everything.
Renee: It is perfectly normal and healthy to question everything. I also question everything. I even question the Bible, which always passes every test. Other revelations tend to fall short and fail the tests at some point. But the Bible always passes every test. Don't feel badly about questioning everything. G-d honors our "testing of the spirits" (1 John 4:1-4).
CT: I was secure in my fate.
Renee: You will be secure in your fate once again as you continue along in your healing journey.
CT: Disconnected from feelings and able to offer forgiveness to all.
Renee: It is not healthy to be disconnected from your feelings, though it is healthy to control the way you express your feelings. And it is normal to feel like you are not able to offer forgiveness to everyone. It's just a part of the healing process. There will come a time
in the healing process that you will be able to forgive more and more people as you find more and more healing when you continue to grow in your walk with Christ. Though there may still be times when it is difficult to forgive others,
you will be able to forgive more often as the Lord heals you more.
CT: Now I am unsure of the salvation I had to offer and have become the skeptic that called me insane. Calling myself crazy is not helping.
Renee: I, too, was unsure of my salvation
for awhile. This is normal, too--just a part of the healing process. But G-d is faithful and has kept you saved. It is also normal and OK to be skeptical. The group you were in hurt you; and others have probably hurt you, too. It is very healthy to be skeptical after all that because you are having to protect yourself from further abuse. You are not insane. You are struggling with a lot of stuff involved in the post-cult recovery process, and you will succeed in that process.
CT: What about the void that is being left behind while my purpose for living is being stripped away.
Renee: The L-rd is with you, CT. He feels your pain far more than anyone else ever could. I know it hurts to go through this part of the healing process. It hurts to face what seems to be a void and to feel like your whole life purpose is being stripped away. I know. I've been there, too. Just in the last few weeks, I have begun to recover from the pain of the void. From my own experience, I felt like I was
dangling by a very thin thread over what felt like a huge pit. At this point in my own journey, I am beginning to see past the void that I thought was eternal, and I am beginning to see my true purpose--my renewed purpose--for
living. I believe that the L-rd is just stripping away from you what is not healthy. It may seem like He is stripping everything away, but He's not. He is with you through it all; and someday (only He knows when, and He'll show you), you will indeed regain all that has been taken from you--your sense of purpose, your security, your discernment--The L-rd willl restore all of that to you as you continue in your healing journey. You'll be a stronger
person for going through all of this. In fact, you are already becoming a stronger person, though you may not be able to see that right now. Hold on. Just keep holding on. Don't give up.
CT: Who Am I
???????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ???? ???????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ???? ???????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ?/
Renee: You are one of G-d's precious children who was taken advantage of by a cult during a time when you were vulnerable. You are an overcomer (Romans 8) and will succeed in healing from all the abuse. Please be patient with yourself as the L-rd heals you.
Blessings to you,
Renee
PS: Here is something that has given me great comfort:
Psalm 23
1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
The LORD loves me (John 3:16; Romans 5:8) and will always provide for my needs (Philippians 4:19; Matthew 6:33; Romans 8:32).
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside still waters.
The LORD gives me rest--spiritually and physically--and provides for all my needs because He loves me, and He is always faithful to His Word (Psalm 4:8; Matthew 11:28-30; John 10:9).
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
The LORD is completely healing my soul and making me a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17), restoring the years the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25) and leading me only in the Truth (John 14:6; 17; 1 John 4:1-4) for His Name's sake
(John 14:6; 17; 1 John 2:12; Psalm 89:24; Isaiah 25:11; Revelation 19:11).
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
No matter what trials I go through, I will fear no evil: for the LORD is with me. In His strength, I face every trial (Romans 8:1-39). And I have the comfort of His Presence through it all (Hebrews 13:5).
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
The LORD gives me complete victory over the enemy, not by my might, nor by my power, but by His Spirit (Zechariah 4:6). In the presence of my enemies, He blesses me abundantly when they thought I was worthless. He restores all the years the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25), and even blesses above and beyond all that I think or ask (Ephesians 3:20).
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
In the LORD, I am blessed far beyond the curse (Romans 8:1-39). In His Presence, the enemy is powerless and cowers and flees (James 4:7). I will dwell in the Presence of the LORD (my favorite place) for ever.
Glad to hear you are on the road to recovery. Its a long road, but well worth traveling.
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